


The Things I'd Love to Tell You

by InterstellarRenegade



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 14:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12367827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterstellarRenegade/pseuds/InterstellarRenegade
Summary: Daichi opened his arms wide for a hug once he reached Suga, and despite that fact that the two were no strangers to sharing the occasional friendly hug, Suga felt like jumping out the window might be his best option.





	The Things I'd Love to Tell You

It was early in the morning when Suga found himself inside the school building, hallways lazily coming to life as students trickled in, ready to start a new year of classes. This was Suga’s third year at Karasuno, so he tried to tell himself that he shouldn’t be jittering and nervous like all the first years around him – easy to pick out as they scuttled around in hoards trying to find their homerooms before class started. His attempt at reasoning with himself was short-lived as he drifted through the hall, heartbeat taking a leap as he heard a familiar voice calling out to him from somewhere behind him. Suga turned, signature bright smile already plastered across his face and presented to one incoming Sawamura Daichi.

See, it wasn’t the fact of school starting again that was making Suga anxious. It wasn’t that he was starting his last year of high school without any inkling as to what he would do afterward. It wasn’t that he hadn’t finished his assigned homework over the break – because, of course, he had finished it. No, what – or rather, who – was making his heart flutter uncomfortably in his chest was the smiling, dark-haired teenager approaching him through the crowd of other students, focused on Suga and nothing else in that moment.

Daichi opened his arms wide for a hug once he reached Suga, and despite that fact that the two were no strangers to sharing the occasional friendly hug, Suga felt like jumping out the window might be his best option. Of course, that would only lead to questions that he wasn’t prepared to answer. He somehow managed to keep the smile on his face until he was reaching his arms around Daichi, stretching up the few inches in height that separated them so he could rest his chin on Daichi’s broad shoulder. Suga could smell the fresh scent of his shampoo and the muffled traces of his cologne under his jacket, and the silver-haired boy struggled to keep himself from burying his face in Daichi’s shoulder and just _inhaling_ , twisting his fingers into the hair at the nape of the other’s neck.

Shit, he was in deep.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other at all during the month and a half break between the end of the last school year and the beginning of the new one. They’d actually hung out a couple times – with Asahi, of course – and that was when Suga believed his not-so-little “problem” came to fruition. Sure, he’d always acknowledged to himself that he’d had a little bit of a crush on Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome since his first year, but it had never been something that plagued him as it did now. When they’d hung out over the break it was like his eyes were opened to this whole new side of Daichi, the side where he wasn’t so serious anymore, he laughed and smiled and told unbearable dad-jokes, playfully brushed and bumped up against Suga to add emphasis to his stories or – and this was something new – teasing. Daichi actually had the capacity to poke fun at his fellow third years, and Suga was absolutely enamored with him for it.

“’Morning, Suga,” Daichi greeted with just the right amount of softness in his voice to make Suga flush red as they separated, Suga hoping Daichi hadn’t noticed how tight he’d been holding him. No such luck, though it could have been the blush staining his cheeks that gave him away. “You okay?” Daichi asked, concern weaving its way out of his mouth.

“Fine!” Suga forced out, trying to put a smile back on his face as he curled a strand of his hair behind his ear.

Daichi studied his movements curiously, how the shorter of the two refused to return his gaze. “You sure?” he asked with a tilt of his head.

Suga took a moment to inhale and exhale deeply enough to calm himself before he faced Daichi again. “Yeah, of course,” he said, smile having returned to his face as he lied like it was second nature. “Just thinking about something that happened last week.”

The teasing grin that Suga had come to love spread across Daichi’s face wickedly. “Oh, Suga, did you get a _girlfriend_?” he sing-songed, leaning over his friend.

There was no stopping the expression that was no short of horrified from surfacing on Suga’s face. God, Daichi didn’t even know he was gay, and he still had a crush the size of Tokyo Tower on him. Just the thought of having anyone but Daichi was heart-wrenching. Daichi’s eyebrows laced together with concern again, and he straightened.

“Seriously, Suga, you’re acting really strange,” Daichi worried, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Do you feel okay?”

Suga shrugged, tried to swallow. “I don’t know, maybe I ate something weird this morning.” Daichi didn’t seem much more satisfied with that answer, but Suga forged on. “Are we having practice this afternoon?”

Daichi smiled. “Of course. I’m interested to see what kind of first years we end up with this year, Vice Captain.”

Suga smiled even though the tips of his ears turned crimson to be addressed in such a way. “Yeah, me too. Captain.”

Daichi’s grin was wide as he bumped his elbow against Suga’s briefly. Suga was just going to have to make himself content with this kind of interaction, desensitize himself, or else this was going to be a hell of a long school year.

The year seemed to shape up to be a long one anyway, with the addition of four troublesome first years seemingly always at odds with each other, wasting their talent on useless fighting. To make things worse Nishinoya and Asahi hadn’t returned until after they’d already had their first practice match. Then there was the tiny little detail that Suga was replaced – there was simply no other way to put it – by that genius first year setter, Kageyama. Voicing how he really felt was out of the question, though, as he wanted the team to be the best it could be, and he hated making other people feel bad just for his sake. He’d just have to work his hardest from the sidelines.

If that hadn’t taken enough of an emotional toll on him already, Suga’s “crush” had turned into full-blown, head over heels _pining_ for Daichi. He couldn’t stop himself from stealing glances in the locker room as they changed, or all-out staring at him during practice under the pretense that he was studying how to improve the team. Every single hair on Suga’s body seemed drawn to him, and after the Inter-High Preliminaries he’d become acutely aware of this itch, this desire, settled right under his skin and clouding his thoughts with musings over how soft he thought Daichi’s lips would be against his, how small and safe the captain could make him feel in the embrace of his muscled arms, how soft his hair might actually be.

Suga shook himself back to reality, where he was watching from Daichi’s side as their teammates trickled out the gym door. For some reason, Suga had agreed to stay behind with Daichi and throw him some tosses while the rest of the team went home early. He knew it was a recipe for disaster, but Daichi was insistent, said he felt like he needed a little more practice. Suga couldn’t deny that he could use some extra practice too; after seeing how the Inter-High Prelims went, he was a little intimidated.

Suga latched onto the team’s conversations as they all left the gym, finding it was always a good form of distraction, especially when Daichi moved to go gather the multiple volleyballs from around the court. Nishinoya was usually the loudest (until Hinata and Kageyama would get into a fight), and currently he was trying to climb his way onto Asahi’s shoulders while demanding to be taken out to dinner. Asahi was too weak-willed to refuse, and Suga watched Noya prance out with a smug grin and his hand in the ace’s.

Hinata was unsurprisingly the next to catch Suga’s attention, and Suga remembered how disappointed the boy had acted when he learned that Suga and Daichi would have reign of the gym tonight, as he wanted to practice more with Kageyama. Kageyama was ignoring him, in the meantime, even though Hinata was spouting of a constant string of his ideas and new techniques he wanted the two of them to try out. Suga was smiling gently by the time Daichi called his name.

“Haven’t seen that smile in a while,” Daichi commented, spinning a volleyball in his hands and looking at the net to his right.

Suga immediately frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

It turned out that after so many months of it, Suga had been having a hard time keeping up his happy-go-lucky, do-it-for-the-team personality. He couldn’t blame himself, truly, but he still felt immensely guilty after Daichi’s comment, the unwanted tension settling around them in the now-lonely gym. Suga shifted from foot to foot, not meeting Daichi’s gaze from where he stood half the net away.

“Ready to toss?” Daichi asked.

Glad for the change of subject, Suga nodded and looked up, readying himself as Daichi also got into position. He tossed the ball up for Suga before starting his dash toward the net. Swallowing his nerves, Suga set the ball for his captain and was relieved as he heard the resounding smack of Daichi’s hand against the surface and then the slam of the ball on the ground. Daichi landed with a grin in Suga’s direction, then he went to retrieve another volleyball.

The pair went on for a while, Suga growing nostalgic as he remembered how much fun he used to have playing every game, setting for Daichi and Asahi and the rest of the team. He was a little rough now, but Daichi didn’t seem to mind, telling Suga exactly where he wanted to ball to end up. Suga’s heart swelled with joy to see how happy Daichi became each time he got a successful spike in.

“God, I missed playing with you, Suga,” Daichi said suddenly, once they had exhausted the bin of volleyballs. They all laid scattered across the floor on the other side of the net.

When Suga saw the gentle smile on Daichi’s face, angled downward like he was remembering something fondly, Suga’s throat constricted. He jerked himself around to face the other way, biting back the sudden onslaught of tears threatening to overflow. How was that fair of him to say? It wasn’t fair, not at all, not when Suga couldn’t do anything about the situation.

“Don’t say stuff like that,” he snapped more harshly than he’d maybe meant to.

He could practically feel Daichi’s surprise behind his back. “Why not?”

Suga fiddled with the string of the net next to him, shrinking in on himself. “Because I miss it too,” he said shakily, softly, “and there’s nothing-I can’t-it just makes me feel bad, okay?”

Daichi was silent for a long time, and Suga was left to stew in his self-hatred, kicking himself for once letting out his private feelings. Because now Daichi felt bad, and that was literally the last thing in the entire world that Suga wanted. He leaned heavily forward onto the pole holding up the net.

“Suga,” Daichi said, voice pitying. “You know we can switch-”

“No, no, no, shut up,” Suga said, whirling suddenly and waving his hands in front of him. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then rubbed his temples, doing his best to act annoyed instead of depressed. “I want Kageyama to play. I want the team to be the best it can be. And if that means I’m on the sidelines most of the time, I’m fine with that. Really.”

Daichi still looked concerned, but sighed. “Okay. I’m sorry I made you feel bad, Suga. You shouldn’t.” Suga shrugged him off, looking to the side. “I’ll clean up if you want to go change.”

Despite wanting to stay and convince Daichi that he really was fine, Suga just nodded and trudged off in the direction of the locker room. Once inside he tried to focus solely on getting changed and packing his bag, but his mind was inevitably drawn back to Daichi. Sure, Suga was upset about not being able to play, but that wasn’t why he’d been acting weird. But Daichi didn’t get that, because Suga had made it his mission to make sure he never would. It was crushing him inside, though, clear as he slipped down to the floor, pressing his forehead into the lockers as he crouched in front of them. Tears squeezed out of the corners of his eyes.

_Can’t tell him, can’t tell him, can’t tell him,_ Suga repeated, covering his mouth as he shook, each repetition making his chest tighter and cheeks wetter. _Can’t tell him, can’t tell him, can’t tell him…_

Suga stood rapidly, making his head spin as he whirled and kicked the metal bench nearest to him, scaring even himself. He was never one to resort to any kind of violence, but he just needed some kind of release, or he was going to burst, burn up from the inside out. The bench didn’t really help, and he just shook harder and tried to muffle his cries as best as possible, lest Daichi-

“Suga?”

Suga jumped and hiccupped, cutting off his quiet sobs for the moment. Daichi was breathing heavily, like he’d sprinted across the gym to burst through the door, and Suga realized he must’ve heard the bench hitting the ground loudly. He scrambled to start picking it back up, Daichi watching, shocked and worried.

“S-Sorry, I just…hit my knee on it and it fell over,” Suga mumbled, wiping at his face hurriedly. “I-I’m fi-fi-”

He couldn’t choke out the lie again, covering his mouth as he started to kneel back to the ground, one and braced against the now-upright bench. Daichi finally swooped into action, and when his arms came around Suga, squeezing him tightly, the silver-haired boy couldn’t hold back anymore. He let himself dig his fingers into the back of Daichi’s sweater, twisting the fabric violently as he sobbed into his chest. Daichi sat them down on the bench, keeping Suga close in his arms.

“It’s not the Kageyama thing, is it,” Daichi said more than asked, and Suga reluctantly shook his head between shivers. “Please, Suga, tell me what’s wrong,” Daichi pleaded breathlessly, pushing Suga’s head against his shoulder and carding his fingers through silver hair. “I’m so worried about you, Suga. Please.”

It was too much for Suga to handle, and he roughly pushed himself up and away from Daichi, stumbling a few feet across the room. Once Daichi got over his shock he stood as well and made to advance, but Suga held up the hand not covering his mouth and Daichi stopped in his tracks.

“It’s you, dammit,” Suga whispered, not sure if Daichi heard him, though he definitely knew words were spoken. Suga tried to compose himself, closing his eyes tightly. “Shit. Just-listen to me, okay? Just let me say this.”

Daichi stayed quiet, and Suga let his protective hand drop and curl around his stomach. He couldn’t believe he was about to tell him everything, after so long, but maybe it would give him the release he so desperately needed. Maybe Daichi would just agree to forget it afterward and they could go back to being what they were – friends, nothing more.

Suga wiped his eyes once more, stepping toward Daichi and squinting up at him through red, swollen eyes. “Daichi, I love you.”

It was very subtle, the slight wideness Daichi’s eyes gained, the gentle parting of his lips, all slow movements that Suga studied microscopically, trying to judge what the other was feeling, how he was reacting. Suga’s tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He needed to say more. He had more to say.

“Not like the ‘I’m your best friend and I care about you’ love,” Suga sniffed, losing some of his composure as he had to wipe as his nose. “Like the ‘I want to be with you, I want to kiss you, and go on dates with you, and walk around holding hands and doing stupid couple things’ love. And that’s-that’s what’s bothering me.”

Daichi still didn’t say anything, and regret started to eat away at Suga faster than a sudden onslaught of rain. He sniffed hard and scrubbed at his face with the sleeves of his jacket, closing his eyes to get out what he wanted to say next.

“Okay. That’s it. You can just forget this now, I feel better.” It wasn’t totally a lie. The pent up feelings he had hidden had all begun to dissipate, but they were just getting replaced by a new type of sadness, the one of rejection that he had expected. “I’ll go.”

He tried to skirt around Daichi and grab his bag, but Daichi finally lurched back into his body it seemed and chased him to the door before he could rush out. His thick fingers closed around Suga’s wrist, and no matter how hard he tried to force himself not to look back, Suga couldn’t help himself.

“Suga, wait,” Daichi said breathlessly, though he’d done nothing to exert himself.

Suga couldn’t read his expression; it was all jumbled with his brows furrowed and his mouth open and his eyes betraying the fact that he was feeling something, but what it was Suga couldn’t pinpoint. Daichi looked down and let go of Suga’s wrist.

“You don’t have to say anything, Daichi,” Suga said, half-bitterly. “I’m smart, you know, I can take a-”

Silence descended upon him in the form of Daichi’s lips, and Suga went completely rigid. No, this was wrong. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go; this wasn’t how he had replayed it so many times in his head over the months. He was supposed to confess and then leave, and he would feel better and then Daichi would pretend nothing ever happened. But now this. Suga couldn’t stand any more of this pity.

“Daichi,” Suga mumbled, shoving him away. “Don’t force yourself. That’s just like smacking me in the face.”

Daichi laughed softly, actually laughed. “Suga, I thought you said you were smart.” Suga stared at him in disbelief, at the gentle smile playing across his lips, and he could suddenly pinpoint the feeling in Daichi’s eyes. “I’m not forcing myself.”

A high-pitched cry left Suga’s throat as he started crying again. “How long?”

“Since the break,” Daichi breathed, cupping Suga’s face and dragging his thumbs through the boy’s tears. “You?”

“First year,” Suga choked out.

Daichi sucked in a breath sharply. “Why didn’t you tell me, Suga? That’s so long…”

Suga leaned into his hands, covering them with his own. “Well it wasn’t really a big problem until the break, I guess because you started flirting with me. I didn’t realize…”

Anything Daichi murmured against his skin was lost, falling on Suga’s deaf ears. He couldn’t think past the sensation of Daichi’s incredibly soft lips against his forehead, nose, gently brushing through the tears on his cheeks. Suga’s tears slowed to a stop as he leaned forward, tilting his head up and desperately searching for the kiss he wanted, eyes closed.

The way their lips slid together so casually, languid strokes against sensitive skin, made Suga’s skin tingle with electricity. He wasn’t embarrassed of the little sigh he let out, though Daichi’s cheeks turned pink in response. The captain kissed a little harder, fanning one hand out over the small of his setter’s back and supporting his head in the other, because Suga seemed unable to do so himself. Suga twisted his arms around Daichi’s neck and arched up into him, pressing chest to chest.

Afraid Suga might a) pass out, or b) jump him, Daichi tilted his lips away ever so slightly. “So, um, do you want to maybe, go out to eat or something?”

Suga hadn’t smiled so genuinely in weeks. “I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this over a year ago and was never happy with it, but I came back to it, changed a few things slightly, and now I'm finally okay with posting it, so hope you enjoy!
> 
> Fun fact: this is the first haikyuu fanfic I wrote
> 
> Leave kudos or a comment if you feel like it, and thank you for reading! <3


End file.
